Introduction
A widow’s life can be extremely challenging after spending most of their life with their devoted spouse. Suddenly, there is an enormous vacuum left behind when you lose your partner, your soulmate and your lover.
I look at the issue of widows seeking love again. Are widows seeking love and intimacy again? Does the loss of their loved ones prevent them from finding another partner to be part of their life? I hear many stories about widows passing away within months of losing their loving husbands / wives but our focus with this interview, is to find out if widows can seek love again.
I chatted with Dorothy (aka Dodo) , Dodo is 66 years old and is now seeking another partner in her life. Dodo has been a widow now for five years after her devoted loving husband passed away from cancer. Dodo had been married for over 40 years before losing her husband. She is a frequent visitor to the local RSL Club. Every Saturday afternoon she displays her energy on the dance floor dancing with many partners at the local club.
I spent time chatting with Dodo to find out how she has survived a widow’s life and what she is looking for (if anything) in terms of love for the future.
Pain suffered from being a widow
Les, my husband, and I were married for over 40 years. I was not expecting my husband to pass away so quickly. I was not prepared. The loss of my husband left me devastated as I did not know what to do. I had just lost my devoted soulmate who I had depended on being in my life forever. We were inseparable. We did everything together (well, almost everything). We would eat together, go shopping together, watch television together every day.
The three biggest challenges that I faced in my new widowed life were the grieving, the loneliness and what was I going to do in the future. It took time over twelve months to overcome the grief and the loneliness but thankfully, I had good family support and friends who backed me up and gave me confidence.
Can a widow find true love again?
Yes, I believe it is possible to find true love again. I am getting old now and I have no one to share my life with every day. I am sure that there is a man out there somewhere who wants to share their remaining years with me.
There are many men at the local RSL club in a similar position as me who have lost their wives but none of these men appear to be compatible to me. The widowed men are nice, but they only want to sit there at the club and drink beer. I know that this is their choice. Being at my age, I might be just too fussy as to what I am expecting in my life.
What’s missing from your life?
There are many things that are missing from my life as a widow. I miss the companionship of not having someone being beside me every day. I wake up to an empty bed and it would be nice to have a soulmate that I can say good morning to, and they be the last person that I say good night. Without a husband, you suffer the loneliness even though I have good bunch of friends and family, but they cannot take away the emptiness that is left in my heart.
I miss the opportunity of doing things together as husband and wife. Simple things like going to the RSL Club together, dancing, eating meals together plus going to bed together.
I miss the intimacy of hugging and kissing my husband. The intimacy is part of true love. A simple hug from your partner shows that they care and makes you feel loved.
Even though I am physically strong, I could be stronger. I need to improve my mental and emotional state of mind which has suffered as I have continually grieved for the loss of my husband. We can share our pain together through support and caring for each other.
What am I looking for in a man?
Starting a new relationship is a challenge. To me, the secret of a successful long-lasting relationship is two people that are committed to love, caring, honesty, loyalty, kindness and compromise. Two people want to openly share their life together.
I often ask myself whether I would like a new relationship or whether I am still grieving in pain. Will I experience the same pain of grieving if I lose a second man? It is my choice to begin a new relationship. I shall always treasure the fond memories that I had with my devoted husband forever. Opening up to a new relationship now is like starting to read a new chapter in my book of life. I believe that I shall be much happier with my life if I can find a man to become my soulmate.
I am looking for a man who has suffered the same experience as me. I am looking for some man who has been married for a long period time who has lost their wife. This man would understand the values of true love, sharing, caring and being intimate. The man must want to have a wife who can be their soulmate. I believe that I am ready for a new relationship.
A man should be wanting to share the good and the bad times together. It will not be easy living every day with the same person. I know, my devoted husband would sometimes be a pain, especially if he did not have enough sleep so you learn to compromise with their faults just like the man would have to compromise with my faults (if I have any faults).
The next stage
It is time to move on now with searching for my next soulmate. I mentioned to my family and friends that I was ready to start a new relationship. With their support, I was introduced to many new men around my age of 60’s – 70’s years. I was introduced to men that were significantly younger than me (40 years to 50 years) who were old enough to be my sons!
The men were introduced to me at the RSL club. On many occasions, my inner feelings were to search for a man who possessed the same qualities and characteristics of my beloved husband. I did not realise that at that time, I was making a big mistake. I was setting my expectations to find some man to be exactly the same as my husband. I did not realise that there would be no person who could possibly be like my husband, so I was losing many new men friends.
I was very shy to meet the first man. We met at the RSL club. I could not speak. The words that I wanted to say were in my mind, but the words did not come out of my lips. I was beginning to feel anxious about my shyness and questioning whether I was making the right decision about going into a new relationship.
I started to gain more confidence as I met more men. The meeting of men became more relaxed when it was not a “one-on-one” meeting. I started to feel more comfortable and less shy when I met the men in familiar surrounding Steppin’ Out Events, friends supporting me. My family and friends boosted my confidence in overcoming my shyness and to overcome the guilt factor of starting a new relationship.
Do you have a potential partner in your life?
Yes, I have found a wonderful man who I think (and he thinks too) will become my soulmate for my remaining years. We have met many times, and we are going to trial a three month period of living together to see if we are truly compatible. Both him and I share the same values about life and the fundamentals of how a relationship should work.
Conclusion
Thank you for sharing your experience of your sad loss Dodo. We are pleased and excited to hear that life will become happier for you now that you have a new man in your life who can give you the love, the care, the companionship and the friendship that you are seeking to complete your happiness in life. We wish you great success for your future happiness.
We can all take a valuable lesson from Dodo’s experience. Being a widow should not stop you from searching for true love. You need the time to grieve but as can be seen from Dodo’s experience, life should not stop there. As quoted by Dodo, a new relationship “is like starting to read a new chapter” in your book of life. It is important to continue with your life’s journey. Starting a new relationship can happen at any age.
By Kathy Edwards
